No Regrets

It has been two years since my friend G passed away and one of our lasts conversations has nagged at me since her death. She had been planning a girls get away to see Brittany Spears in Los Angeles and she wanted me to come. It was bound to be a great, glamorous time because you see my friend G was the epitome of fun and glamour-a pro athletes wife and ex model who could light up any room she entered. I told her I couldn't go, giving the argument that if it was Madonna I would do it but not Brittany. We argued about Brittany's talent or the lack there of. The conversation ended with her getting the last words in "I knew you wouldn't go. You always put your family first." She meant it as a jab, disappointed that I was turning her down. I always regretted this choice because it would have given me some irreplaceable last moments with her. Until today that is.
This morning I picked up the Sunday Arizona Republic and was drawn in by a story titled "The Hardest Choice", actually, I was more drawn in by the photo of a beautiful, blue eyed little girl sitting on her fathers lap, looking at the camera with a tiny smile on her face. The little girl was Sophie and the story was about her battle with cancer most of her short 5 years of life. She had endured too many surgeries for such a small child and chemo treatments that ended up doing more harm than good. The part of the story that resonated with me was her parents reality-that every day with Sophie was a gift and the choice to be any where else but with her for the short duration of her life was no choice at all. Sophie's mom Carrie even skipped much needed dental surgery caused by an infection because 3 hours was too much time away from Sophie. And this makes complete sense to me.
I am too superstitious to talk about how fortunate I am. I am well aware that there are no guarantees for tomorrow or even this afternoon. And one thing I know for sure is that I will never regret the times I said no to a night out with my friends opting instead for microwave popcorn and a game of scrabble with my family. So G you were right I will always put my family first for as long as I can. If this makes me a flakey friend, well, I am ok with that.

For Sophies story in the AZ. Republic:
http://www.azcentral.com/arizonarepublic/news/articles/2011/06/26/20110626sophie-farinella-cancer-part1.html

Filling My Fathers Shoes

Some men are not meant to be fathers. Nothing can really prepare you for this experience and unlike choosing a career it is pretty difficult to just try it out to see if it's a good fit then move on if it's not. Some men just take to it instinctively and revel in every dirty diaper, dance recital and driving instruction along the way. Some take a while to adapt to the role but rise to the occasion and transform into the part as if it were in them all along. Some men try but like a pair of shoes a size too small it rubs the wrong way and he can't wait to get them off. This was my father. I was the youngest in the family and never really got to experience the time when my dad was trying to make it work. By the time I came along he had moved that ill fitting pair of shoes to the back of the closet desperately looking for some other shoes to wear-shoes that were nowhere in our home. I am not bitter about this anymore. As a parent I know that it takes a very special kind of person to raise a child.  My father wasn't meant to be Mr. Cunningham but I am glad that he tried or I wouldn't be writing this blog. And I am lucky enough to have two wonderful fathers in my life, two men that took to fatherhood, my father in law and my husband.  When I married Rob I thought I was just getting a husband and a few in laws but through the years I have gained a father, and although I still call him Tom, he is, in all ways, the father I never had. He is just what you think of when you hear the word dad. He is one of the smartest men I know and no matter what I have a question about-World Wars or recipes he always has the answer. He tells stories about his youth, the good and the bad, with vivid details. He cares for his children deeply. He fiercely protects his wife. And he glories in teaching my son everything he can, including some things that I could kill him for.

He has also been a great example to his son-my husband. As a new father it was obvious that Rob was out of his element, he was not prepared for this screaming, pooping machine that never slept. But as each year passed he grew more and more into the father that I had dreamed of as a child. He takes an interest in everything his son does-he corrects, he teaches and he encourages and praises too. He is not afraid to kiss him and tell him he loves him every night before he lays his head on his pillow. When he goes out of town for work he leaves little notes on his nightstand or at his place on the kitchen table so he is sure to see it as he eats his mini pancakes in the morning. He shows love and respect for me which will someday transfer into how my son treats the women in his life.
So, I am ok with the father I missed as a child because now I can truly appreciate the fathers in my life today. Those shoes in the back of my childhood closet have finally found the right fit and are getting plenty of use.
Happy Fathers Day.

Making a Case for Art in Education

The Importance of Art in Education

In My Own Words

Mary Reid

To begin with I would like to just say that there is no truth to the argument that we have all heard at some point that students who are exposed to the arts as part of their curriculum score better on math and science tests than students who are not. When I say there is no truth to these claims I mean that there is no proof of tests or results to back them up. I know this is not exactly the best way to prove to you the importance of art in education, by taking away the strongest argument that has been given over and over since the mid eighties when Reagan told the world that American students were falling far below other countries in the areas of math and science and, more recently, the No Child Left Behind legislation. Since then the arts have slowly been erased from public school systems all across the country. I intend to make my case for the arts in education with the real reasons why our children can’t do without them.

Art and History 

How do we know what life was like for the ancient Egyptian, the Native American, the 14th century European? Most of what we know was initially unveiled by the artwork uncovered from the period. New developments are investigated frequently spurred by the discovery of hand made objects found on cave walls or architectural digs.  Art makes history a more interesting, more descriptive and more tactile way to connect to our past. Art gives visual images to help make those connections and understand why events occurred, how the civilization reacted to them and what came next in their development. These discoveries help tie our global history together and fill in some of the gaps between them. When a student thinks about ancient Egypt a visual of the bust of Nefertiti may come to mind, when he thinks of  Ancient Rome the architecture of the coliseum and when he thinks of 18th century Europe the flamboyant fashion of the Royal Court. Not only do I stress the importance of art in learning about  history but I also worry about the absence of art as part of our daily practice and the impact that will have on how our future generations will connect us to their history. Can data alone express the human reaction and emotions caused by events?

Adaptability and Reasoning

When it comes to solving math problems there is not much room for error, two times two is four, period. It doesn’t require a group discussion, it doesn’t rely on outside input, reactions or opinions. Rearranging the order of the numbers or adjusting the color of the digits won’t help us come up with that one answer to solve that one problem. Nothing stimulates that part of our brain that allows us to tap into our imagination than the arts. Music, dance, painting and creative writing allow us  and encourage us to come up with many answers to many questions. When we find ourselves in difficult predicaments it is the ability to creatively think of solutions that help us out of them. Regardless of our career path the necessity to reason and adapt to situations are required skills for success. For example a finance accountant can’t change the fact that the numbers don’t support the action but the action still needs to happen. Without tapping into the reasoning and adaptability that he acquired in his middle school music class he might not be able to find the solution, failing to help make the action happen.  Now, imagine a whole generation of children who will never have a dance, music, drama or art class in their education. Without including the arts in their curriculum we are handicapping them from the very start.

Creative Expression

The world we live in can be confusing and painful at times. Events occur that cause us to act out or recoil into ourselves. Sometimes expressing how we feel in words is difficult, in some cases impossible and our mental health is reliant on the ability to process situations in creative ways. Participating in the act of creative expression is not only therapeutic for the participant but unearths a new language for him to communicate his thoughts and feelings.  A whole new field of therapy focus’s on art as a way to communicate with individuals who have been through difficult or disturbing experiences validating the importance of the arts in the mental health field. Children in particular benefit from art as a form of communication and the songs they create, pictures they paint and movements in their dance can tell us more about how they feel than the verbal language that they haven’t quite got a hang of yet.

To make a convincing argument for the arts we have to start by removing false information and unproven benefits. These tactics may get some initial attention but when these benefits are not substantiated, credibility for the argument is lost. Why not focus on things we know the arts deliver? The arts help students learn to make visual connections, to mentally picture the past and better understand the people and events that shape history. The arts help to teach the skills of problem solving, perseverance and interaction with society.  Finally, the arts enable individuals to convey ideas, feelings and emotions and work through psychological issues through the language of artistic expression. 

Happiness Project: catching up

Sorry about the long delay in my posting. Things have been busy with school ending and summer vacation beginning but that does not mean I have not been hard at work searching for my bliss. Before my son and I traveled to the perpetually green and perpetually wet home of my sister in Chehalis Washington I had made great strides in organizing. It took 3 days to organize my closets and wardrobe, I have done this many times before but there are things that I just can't let go of. There are things that don't fit anymore but they looked sooo good when they did and I know someday they will again. And those shoes that kill my feet, there may be an occasion where I just have to walk a few steps to my car then a few steps to a place where I will be sitting all evening (looking hot in my great shoes) then a few steps to the car and a few more steps to my home where I will proceed to soak my aching feet for the next 40 minutes. But this time had to be different. I was so inspired by Gretchen's closet cleaning and intrigued by the idea of having an easier time choosing my outfits by having less to search through that I vowed to use my head and not my heart this time.  The result: 4 garbage bags full of clothes to donate. It was so empowering that I couldn't stop at clothes. I went through all of my purses and shoes. With the bathroom remodel complete it was time to go through all of my cosmetics, toiletries and hair stuff. By the end of all these I felt...well...a little ashamed of myself. How did I get all of this stuff? How could I be so frivolous? Initially, this happiness experiment didn't make me happy at all-it made me feel really bad. But after a few days it really was nice to find what I needed without searching through every door and it inspired me to think longer and harder about making that next purchase. Weeks later, my closet is still a thing of beauty and I am truly happy about that!